I was challenged in my thinking when a mentor asked if I was hiding. Eek! I was being called out, and it was totally okay, because she admitted she was hiding too. The fear of being visible is a very real thing.

We all do it. We all hide for one reason or another. The excuses we make hold us back, and we need to figure out why we make them to be able to break the cycle. 

For some reason I’ve had this big fear of being visible, of being seen, yet resentful of being invisible.

I walk a thin line of irony every day — I help others get visible in their businesses so they can reach their goals. Yet, I hold myself back from being visible.

Seems really dumb, right?! How can someone be good at helping others to get visible and not get visible themselves? Trust me, it happens more often than you think.

The fear of being visible is a very normal thing.

Everyone has a different reason as to why they don’t want to be seen. Recognizing why this fear has power over you is the first step in getting over it. 

For example, after being in a condo fire back in 2005, I had a fear of living in apartments and fires. Totally logical given what I’ve been through. I had to understand why this fear had power over me to be able to let it go. 

1. I had to understand why I felt that way – my experience was the trigger. 
2. I needed to recognize that it was a rare situation – the risk of the same situation happening again is quite low. 
3. I turned to logic and my faith and handed my fear over to God. The combination of both of those things helped me to move on and be okay with being inside an apartment building (I eventually moved back into one) and being around fire. 

Each individual will have a different journey to releasing fear, and that is totally okay. For me, it was logic and faith that helped me through. For a friend, it was her guidance from the universe and recognizing why her fear had power over her. 

Now, as I’m sitting with my fear of being visible, I understand that recognizing that the fear exists in the first place is the first step to me releasing that fear and eliminating its power over me.

What is the scariest thing that would happen if I allowed myself to ditch the fear of being visible to become fully visible?

• I’d lose my job
• People could be envious or jealous or some other negative emotion
• I’d turn people off if they were used to seeing me a certain way
• I’d die from stage fright

Are any of these things logical? Technically, all of them could be, but some are less likely to happen than others. 

Could I actually die by recording a video or speaking on stage? If I fell off the stage, sure. Death is the least likely scenario, so, like the fear of being visible, it shouldn’t be something that holds me back. 

Have I lost my job by letting myself be seen? Absolutely – a few times over. I didn’t get a contract renewed, and another time I was restructured out of a job (they replaced me with 4 other people). Did I survive those things happening to me? 

Yes, I did. I found other jobs, other client contracts, and while life was stressful for a season, the situation turned around. The people who didn’t appreciate me or who didn’t align with the real me weren’t meant to be in my life anyway. So, while it sucked royally, if it happened again, I’d totally bounce back. 

Could people be turned off by the real me, or become jealous that I know what I know? For sure, but if they react that way, they probably aren’t the right people to be in my life anyway. And that’s okay. Sometimes people only stay in our lives for a season. 

So, what else could possibly go wrong if I ditched the fear of being visible and shared my voice with the world? 

I’ve realized that being raised in a house with parents that held sky-high expectations has scarred me a lot. So much so, I incorporated it into my academic research when I did my Master’s degree. 

My parents had a belief that children should be seen and not heard. I was chatty and was expected to be invisible. Being told I wasn’t good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, etc. dented my self-confidence and I’m still dealing with it today. 

I still struggle to feel comfortable in my own skin, and I’m still trying to figure out who I am. Half the time I’m afraid of telling people what I’ve been through. The looks of pity and concern are just as bothersome as not being seen and heard. 

When I share my story, I don’t do it for attention, but rather to help others see that you CAN bounce back from adversity.

You CAN overcome fear. Anything you WANT to do, you WILL do. 

I wanted to lose weight, I went down to 95 lbs. 

I wanted to go back to school for a business degree. I worked full-time in one career, trained for the other full-time and managed my family. What I sacrificed at that time: a bit of fitness time, social relationships and extracurricular activities. 

I wanted to learn how to operate the equipment I was told was “just for men”. I learned how to run a skid steer and discovered I’m damn good at it too. 

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What better way to spend a weekend than digging in the dirt. And mud. And gravel muck. 😂 At least I had a skidsteer to help with the heavy lifting! 👍🏻

A post shared by Vanessa Shepherd (@vanessajshepherd) on Jul 15, 2018 at 6:15pm PDT

All of those things were terrifying and seemingly impossible. But they became possible because fear was released and I wanted to achieve them.

You can do the same thing with what you want in life.

Ask yourself, what do I want? Like really want. Beyond money, and keeping a roof over your head. What makes you passionate? What lights you up? What have you longed to try? 

Those are the things you need to do. 

For me to achieve my things, I need to get visible. I need to surrender my fear to God, to bind it together in Jesus’ name and plow forward. Because I know I can and I want to make a difference in this world. I can’t make a difference if I silence my voice. 

It’s time to take charge and confront our fears. 

I’m telling you this story because I believe you have a version of it inside of you, too.

You tell yourself you don’t have enough time.

You tell yourself you don’t have enough money.

That you would do it if only you knew how to edit videos, go live or have an interesting life you can Livestream through Tik Tok. 

Kidding about that last one, but seriously — it’s my experience that we will come up with ANYTHING to trick ourselves into hiding. Because your brain wants you to be safe!

So here’s how to knock that nonsense off. Some questions:

1. What are you getting out of the story you are telling yourself?

For me, I have a thing or two to blame if I fail (“I don’t know enough about video anyway so, that’s why I sucked at it. It’s not my fault! I’m not a millennial.” or “I was raised to be invisible, so that’s the way I’ll always be. It’s not my fault!”).

2. How do you call yourself out and go “all in”?

Here comes the scary part. Once you figure out what you’ve been hiding behind, I challenge you to step out from behind it.

How do you show up 100%, cut the bullsh*t, and jump in all the way when it comes to the thing you’re building?

Yeah, I know you’re gonna feel naked and terrified and all the “buts” are going to come up strong — because when there’s nothing to hide behind, guess who’s on the hook if you fail?

You.

Easy solution: don’t fail.

Hear me clearly on this: you’ll fall down 1000 times. But the only way you can truly FAIL is if you give up entirely. It ain’t over until it’s over.

So what would it take it to cut it out with the excuses, conditions, parameters & stories?

Let’s. Stop. Hiding.

Let’s get visible instead.

What do you think — am I in the ballpark? Comment below and let me know how you’re hiding. I told you mine… don’t leave me hanging!

XO,

Vanessa

Additional Resources

How to overcome fear.

Overcoming fear: the only way out is through.